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Choices

just added my social security card to a pile of records that I’ve been collecting from my mom. I am scared. This officially means that I am fully in charge of my life from now on. I am fucking freaked out.

“Where do we go from here?” I ask myself.

The answer is as wild as my short-fused mind. Jumping from theme to theme. One day I am a filmmaker, the next day a poet. One day I am a dancer, the next a fine artist. And all around me are whispers going,

“Choose, Choose, Choose.”

A breath of spirit crawls up into my skin and opens up my pores to reply,

“Never!”

That’s how the battle goes on. Mind against spirit. In this external mundane world, mind always wins. In this external reality, people find it easier to do the hardest, a perpetual self-fulfilling human centipede of tough shit.

Yesterday I was a teacher, and I asked my students,

“Why is there a class system?”

I told them no answer could be wrong. I trust my students to teach me as much as I, them. They all looked as afraid as I was…

Fear.

Is that why the mind always wins?

I want to live free of the burdens of this lame capitalist society, away from the fallacy of one-way.

Yesterday we fought about whether or not we should have a TV. You think that I think I am better for not needing it. All I care about is our freedom.

And so it goes. And so it goes.

We’ll continue this disagreement just like in the movies.You’ll say it's because I’m on my period, just like in the sitcoms.You put your foot down because you’re in charge of your life. I say I used to be in charge of mine.

And so it goes. And so it goes.

The truth of the matter is, nothing really matters. But, today I added another piece of paper to a pile of “important” documents. And it scared the shit out of me.

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